We begin our next week of the 90 Day Block Therapy Trauma Program focusing on the upper body and connecting to an emotional trauma that may have impacted you. Perhaps someone made you feel self-conscious about how you look, maybe you have held back sharing a truth for fear of a backlash, or maybe you have creative talents that were pushed aside because of circumstance, and now you feel you have missed an opportunity for creation and joy. You may have many that you want to release but see if you can connect to a trauma that you feel has kept you in a state of freeze.
For me, I am going to focus on my fear of speaking my truth, and the resultant blushing that would occur when I would open my mouth to say almost anything out loud.
I remember this really affecting me when I was in my twenties and early thirties. I had experienced so much trauma in my late teens and twenties from negative behaviours, and once I made some changes to my life, I found myself aware of the fact that I held so much in. Knowing I was different in many ways, I didn’t seem to fit into the mainstream views of those around me, so it became a habit to stay quiet. As I was searching to understand my truths and speak up, I didn’t have a solid foundation of understanding, I didn’t trust myself to be confident in my beliefs.
As I felt choked much of the time, I made real efforts to get past this sensation and speak up, but each time I did, I would immediately blush, adding insult to injury. This became something that lured me back to staying silent, but I knew if I ever wanted to feel joy and live my truth, I needed to get past this.
This was when I decided to take the Iyengar Yoga Teacher Training program. I was confident in my body’s ability, but my voice was weak. I believed that if I forced myself to teach something physical, there would be a bridge between mind and body, and I could repair the fear around the insecurities that plagued me. When I was at an intensive with one of our teachers, I purposely asked a question in front of the group to get used to speaking up. When I shared my fear of talking in front of people and the blushing, the teacher said it was because I was so self-involved.
Opposite to what I thought was my issue, I processed this and realized it was in me to change. The next time I had the opportunity, I raised my hand and felt the heat rushing to my face as I was ready to speak. This time however, I let out a huge exhalation before talking and was able to stop the blushing. This was an empowering moment as I knew it was in my control, but I also realized that I needed to strengthen my voice to completely overcome this reaction.
To this day, I can still be blindsided with this issue. Sometimes if I answer too quickly or with too much emotion, I feel the heat rising and must consciously work the breath to gain control. It will be my focus this week to get to the root of this, or at least to uncover more of the layers involved.
What are you going to focus on this week to pull up your conscious awareness so you can work through the old wounds and create a deep level of healing?
On Day 4 of this week, the speaker we will be highlighting is Prema McKeever. She discusses the Ace Score and how to rewire the brain to deal with the different layers of trauma that have impacted you from early in life. Listening to her, I immediately felt calm and safe as she gave insights into behaviors that occur later in life as a means of self- protection.
Also, day 4 is the time to put the block aside and treat yourself with loving kindness. You are guided to a meditation using your hands on your belly that will allow you to drift into a peaceful state, while still addressing adhesions in this area.
Remember, there are many layers that need to be released and repaired so be patient with yourself and stay connected to the community, so you feel safe and supported through the process.
If you haven't started the 90 Day Trauma Relief program yet, click here to join in.
Breathe & Believe,
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